Keep Marching On
by intothedeep27
Summary: Rey saw the darkness in him, but she also saw the light. She just hoped that when they met again, she would see Ben Solo and not Kylo Ren standing in front of her. Set after The Last Jedi.
1. Chapter 1

_**Summary**_ _: Rey saw the darkness in him, but she also saw the light. She just hoped that when they met again, she would see Ben Solo and not Kylo Ren standing in front of her. [SW: TLJ spoilers]_

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 **Disclaimer** : _I don't own Star Wars or any characters affiliated with it._

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 **"I don't want them to know the secrets,  
I don't want them to know the way I loved you,  
I don't think they'd understand it, no,  
I don't think they would accept me, no,  
I loved and I loved and I lost you."**

 _Hurts like Hell_ , Fleurie

* * *

 **Keep Marching On  
** _ **01**_ _: Rey_

" _You're a nobody. But not to me._ "

Those words rang throughout Rey's mind. She remembered the emotion behind his voice, saw the raw _want_ in his eyes – she saw how open he had been with her in that moment, both physically and mentally. She saw not Kylo Ren, the First Order's Henchman, but Ben Solo, seeking out someone just like him, someone who could understand him.

And because of this, Rey didn't know how to think about it.

Everyone was so quick to label Kylo – _no, Ben, he was_ Ben _–_ as a traitor and as a monster like she had done, but in reality, there was so much they didn't understand, so much that even _she_ didn't understand. Most thought he was too far gone for redemption, but that was _far_ from the truth.

He couldn't have been closer.

She saw the similarities between the two of them as well – she _felt_ it. They both suffered from loneliness, from abandonment, from betrayal from those they thought loved them.

She just...she wished she had more time.

"No, Rey, don't think like that," she muttered to herself. That type of mentality was toxic – as much as she wanted him to change, he was the one who needed to take that step out of the darkness and into the light. She had thought that she was enough, that their bond with one another was enough...but she now knew.

It would be his decision, and his alone.

Taking a look at her surroundings, she saw how tired everyone looked, saw the slight defeat in their eyes. And as she led the last person into the Millenium Falcon, she felt the bond connect with Ben once more.

Rey opened her eyes and saw him kneeling within the command room, his head turned to her. There were no words between them but the pain in both of their eyes said enough.

He had gotten what he wanted – Snoke dead, the First Order at his command. Yet, he looked so...defeated. For the first time in years, he had never felt loneliness like he did now. Despite being a leader, looked up to by everyone in the First Order, he was alone in a vast universe.

Rey, on the other hand, felt a loneliness unlike his. She may have surrounded by comrades and friends, but a part of her was missing. This missing piece had always been there, just never noticed until she met him all those months ago, when the bond was first ignited. It was an emptiness that she had gotten used to once more – _because she was always adjusting to loss, to the pain that always came with realizing that her parents were never coming back_ – it was only when she had touched hands with Ben that it disappeared, allowing her for the first time in her life to feel whole.

Only...it didn't last. That feeling of whole quickly disappeared, just like Ben Solo did. All those days, confiding in each other, seeing Kylo disappear and Ben appear, made her feel happy and not alone in the universe. That maybe, just _maybe_ , they had a chance at winning this accursed war.

So why did he have to ruin it? _Why_?

She now knew that the emptiness in her was one that only Ben Solo could fill, not Kylo Ren – not the broken man kneeling in front of her. When their eyes met for the last time, Rey knew he saw the disappointment in her eyes. She felt his pain, as well, for losing what could have been.

What _would_ have been.

Steeling her heart, she pressed the button to the door and watched it close as a lone tear streamed down her face. A tear fell from his eye as well, identical to hers, and as the click of the lock cut their connection, closing their bond, it had done the same to her control. Immediately, she pressed a hand against her heart as she began sobbing, quietly, at the emptiness she felt once more. She fell on the ground to her knees as she mourned. She had gotten so accustomed to the fullness through the past few days that the pain, it was almost unbearable. How was she going to survive, to go forward?

"Rey, my dear," a voice said behind her. Rey felt a hand on her shoulder and she whirled around, seeing General Organa kneeling behind her. "You'll survive, like us all. We can only look toward in the future." Still crying, she nodded her head as Leia pulled her into an embrace.

And as the Millennium Falcon left the planet, Rey hoped that when they were to meet again, she would see Ben Solo and not Kylo Ren standing in front of her.

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 **A/N** : _Uh...hi? I know I need to be working on my other stories but...C'mon! Do you really expect me NOT to write something for Reylo after seeing The Last Jedi? I always shipped them but now...THEY GOTTA BE ENDGAME, RIGHT?_

 _Anyways, I hope you liked this. I might write something from Kylo's perspective so I guess keep a lookout for chapter 2._

 _Maybe._

 _Anyways, please leave a review because this is the first time I've written something for Star Wars and it's kinda intimidating, for some reason._

 _Until next time!~_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Summary**_ _:_ Rey saw the darkness in him, but she saw the light. She just hoped that when they met again, she would see Ben Solo and not Kylo Ren standing in front of her. [SW: TLJ spoilers]

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 **Disclaimer** : _I don't own Star Wars or any characters affiliated with it.  
Cover art by **elithien** , permission to use her art was given._

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 **"Do not go gentle into that good night,  
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;  
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.  
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,  
Because their words had forked no lightning they  
Do not go gentle into that good night."**

 _Do not go gentle into that good night_ , Dylan Thomas

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 **Keep Marching On  
** _ **02**_ _: Kylo_

He felt her before he saw her.

"Why are you here?" he asked, closing his eyes. He was tired, _so_ tired. Why did the bond choose this time to connect them?

"...I don't know." He refused to look at her but something within him broke at her voice. His made sure his face didn't reveal anything, but because of their bond, he knew she felt it. "You could've changed it. This didn't have to happen," Rey muttered after seconds of tense silence, her arms wrapped around herself.

The moment she stopped talking, he retorted with the same thing she said to him. "You could've come with me. I...would've given you the universe." He would have given her _anything,_ had she just...taken his hand. He slightly turned his head in an attempt to face her after this thought, but he found himself not able to look at the girl.

They were both avoiding any sort of confrontation by looking at anything but each other, believing that it would stop them from saying something they might have regret, but the emotions flaring throughout the bond told a different story.

She remained silent as they both occupied their empty rooms – him in his bathroom and her in a small corner of the Millenium Falcon. "What's done is done, Ben –"

He couldn't help it, he growled out the first thought that came to his mind. "It's _Kylo_." At this, he finally looked at her, ready to yell at her, but the words on the tip of his tongue disappeared as he opened his eyes and took her in.

Wearing the same clothes he was used to seeing, her hair was down as it fell across her face, hiding her eyes from him. Seeing this, his resolve faltered.

Rey was everything _he_ wasn't. Warm, light – _hope_ – while he was...what? A monster, a murderer, a traitor, the embodiment of darkness? Those titles were just one of many in a long list of names he had been called.

He didn't deserve to be near her – there was no point in her trying to change him either. Ben Solo was dead, gone, the moment Luke tried to kill him all those years ago.

This thought must have transferred between the bond because Rey's head shot up and her eyes met his, intensifying whatever it was that was between them. But before either of them could say anything, the bond between them ended and the breath he had been unconsciously holding in released. Kylo couldn't help but make a fist in an attempt of control, his nails digging into the palm of his hand.

However, with said control already stretched as thin as it was, he couldn't help but let out a loud scream, his voice echoing throughout the large bathroom. He then released his pent-up frustration on the mirror with a powerful punch, the sound of it cracking and falling making the room seem larger than it truly was. The glass shattered and cut into his hand, his mind not registering the pain that he should have been feeling. The only thing he could do was watch the blood stream down his arm as the blood dripped, little by little, into the water, mixing with the half-filled sink.

Kylo finally turned his face towards the mirror and looked at his reflection with a heavy heart – the shattered glass reflected exactly how he felt at that moment. His emotions, his anger, his control, his... _being_ , was broken. The person staring back at him looked so...defeated – it didn't take a genius to see that in his eyes.

But he took a deep breath and straightened his back, trying to return his focus to what he had been getting ready to do. He had been trying to get himself back into the daily rhythm of taking care of himself, but at the back of his mind, he felt _her_. It wasn't prominent and it wasn't like the usual times they would see each other in the bond, but she was there, a constant reminder of his failed attempt to bring her onto his side. She wasn't watching, but her simply being there was enough to add to his anger and frustration.

And at this, he came to the realization that he had never felt so lost and alone in his life.

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 **A/N** : _Hey, don't get used to the uploading on the same day thing. I'm just really in the SW/Reylo feels right now. Oh yeah, sorry for the short chapter. I'll try to make it longer in the upcoming ones._

 _Also, I don't know what I'm doing and/or going with this story. I guess we're all in for a ride because I don't know what I'm going to do. I might make it into a legit, full story, but for now I guess it'll be something like a series of oneshots-ish that are connected with each chapter._

 _Please review! It helps a lot!_

 _Thank you_ _ **Allied Hero**_ _for your review, it's what convinced me to upload this chapter :)_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Summary**_ _:_ Rey saw the darkness in him, but she saw the light. She just hoped that when they met again, she would see Ben Solo and not Kylo Ren standing in front of her. Set after The Last Jedi.

* * *

 **Disclaimer** : _I don't own Star Wars or any characters affiliated with it.  
Cover art by __**elithien**_ _, permission to use her art was given._

* * *

" **Unto a broken heart  
No other one may go  
Without the high prerogative  
Itself hath suffered too."**

 _Unto a broken heart, Emily Dickinson_

* * *

 **Keep Marching On  
** _ **03**_ _: Rey_

Rey loved the rain.

She stuck her arm out into the pouring water from underneath the overhang that protected her from the rain and felt it fall into her open palm. The feeling of the hard droplets was reassuring and somewhat peaceful in this time of chaos. It was a calm that she needed after this past month, filled with fighting and hiding from the First Order.

"Is this your first rainstorm?"

Rey felt the connection fit itself into place as Kylo stood behind her. She thought that she would feel some sort of animosity towards the man after their last encounter, but she found herself surprised as she didn't have it in her to curse him or to ignore him, to feel mad. She was just...living in this moment because she wasn't sure when she would get another.

"No, it isn't," was Rey's answer after a few seconds of thinking. Her first storm was when she waited those long hours for Luke to open his door and accept her as a disciple. There were many afterward on that same island, but this was the first one she was able to enjoy to her heart's content.

The two hadn't seen each other during the duration of the month and Rey couldn't help but think during this time that their...connection, whatever it was, had disappeared. That maybe, just _maybe_ , Snoke had been right and he was the one who forged it, and that with his death, it had severed.

But deep down, feeling him behind her, gave way to relief – that he wasn't dead or that...no, she wouldn't go there. Not today, not when there was no anger and no raging emotion going on between them.

"Ben…" Rey slowly turned around and saw Kylo standing a few feet away from her, his hands folded behind him, his back straight and opposing as he looked down onto her.

"What, Rey? What do you want to say?" He tilted his head as he met his dark eyes with her light ones. She was getting deja vu – they had been in the same position before when she confronted him about his father – when she had called him a monster. "Do you truly think that you can change me? Ben is _dead_ , I killed him when I killed Han Solo."

At the mention of the former smuggler's name, Rey felt a flare of anger that quickly dissipated into pity. "You can say that for as long as you need to, but we both know that isn't true." The pain she saw in his eyes told a different story – killing his father had created an imbalance within him.

An imbalance that she vowed to fix.

Kylo cocked a smile. She couldn't help but feel her heart skip a beat at the way he looked – she had never seen him with a smile before. If the circumstances were different...no, she wouldn't – _couldn't –_ think that. "I'm a monster, remember? After all, _you_ were the one who called me that, if I recall correctly." He took a menacing step forward, breaking his stoic stance, bringing the two closer.

"...You know what?" At this, Rey moved closer as she firmly planted herself into the ground in front of him, not caring about the dangerous aura that now surrounded the man. "I stand by that. _Kylo Ren_ is a monster," she growled. All the death that surrounded him...what Snoke had done was horrible, cruel, manipulative – she hated it, she _hated_ that vile creature of a man.

Rey took no pleasure in the pain she felt through their bond at the words she said, but she had to continue. "Ben Solo, though, is not." Despite not being that short of a person, he was far too tall compared to her and she was forced to turn her head up to simply face at him.

Their eyes bore into each other – her searching for a lost man and him searching for the girl he saw in his vision. As they stayed still in this position for a few seconds, the air around them felt charged with something they both didn't understand.

Rey wouldn't give up on him – even if everyone did, she would _never_ stop trying to bring Ben back to the light. He wasn't lost forever.

Something in her eyes must have revealed that because there was a sudden spark of anger from the man in front of her. She should have taken a step back, she should've seen what he would do, but she stayed where she stood and allowed Kylo to grab the side of her face in a bout of anger. His hand was bare without a glove as he tightened his hold – thankfully, though, not hard enough to where she would feel pain.

They hadn't touched through the bond since that night they touched hands; she never forgot how it had felt, how exhilarating it had been. The same emotions rushed throughout her as flesh met with flesh – anger, annoyance, satisfaction. But hidden behind those feelings were hints of confusion and...fear.

Fear from them both.

Rey was breathing heavily as he bared his teeth at her. Seconds passed before he opened his mouth. "How do you think this is going to end, huh? Me going to the light, to follow that damn Jedi order? Why should I when I don't owe you or the Jedi _anything!_ "

Rey quickly grabbed his hand and pulled it away from her face, her anger matching his own. "This ends when you _wake up!_ You think that no one cares for you anymore, that no one understands you!"

"How _dare you –_ "

"Don't lie to me Ben," she snarled, "We both know that whatever this thing is, it's telling me how you truly feel." Shaking her head, she threw his hand away and took a step back, severing herself off from him. Her most inner thoughts were hers once more. "Your mother believes that you can be saved and so do I. I just hope that you pull your head out of your ass and realize it before it's too late."

Although Rey had no control over it, the connection between them broke soon after these words without warning, leaving her alone under the cliff. She continued to breathe heavily as her face tingled from his fingers on her cheek moments earlier. Placing a hand over where his had been, she turned back to the rain. Then, without a care, she took an unsteady step forward into the downpour, getting herself soaked. The cold that seeped through the water and clothes felt reassuring, helping ground her tumultuous thoughts, as she turned her face to the sky.

It would be a long road to redemption, that Rey knew for sure. But she would go down that path with Ben no matter what the consequences were because she knew that her vision was the one that would happen in the end.

Not his.

Never his.

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 **A/N:** _Another short one but don't worry, chapter four is coming soon after this. I wanted to write for chapter three more but I felt like this was the perfect place to end it. I hope I'm getting the characters and their personalities correct because this is actually one of the first times I'm not writing through an original character._

 _I think you're gonna like the next chapter – because I sure as hell know I do._

 _On to another note – you guys are fucking amazing! I got so many new followers and the reviews, oh my god, the REVIEWS! You're the best! I can't thank you guys enough 3_

 _Thank you again for the reviews,_ _ **HinaLyka**_ _,_ _ **Yami Naty**_ _,_ _ **Sage McMae**_ _,_ _ **Rapunzel3**_ _,_ _ **duke15atm**_ _,_ _ **SqueakyDolphin6**_ _, **LoveFiction**_ _ **2017**_ _,_ _ **Guest 1**_ _, and_ _ **scarletvixenwthorns**_ _. You're amazing!_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Summary**_ _:_ Rey saw the darkness in him, but she also saw the light. She just hoped that when they met again, she would see Ben Solo and not Kylo Ren standing in front of her. Set after The Last Jedi.

* * *

 **Disclaimer** : _I don't own Star Wars or any characters affiliated with it.  
Cover art by __**elithien**_ _, permission to use art was given._

* * *

 **Quick A/N:** _Hey! If you got a second alert about this chapter, please ignore it! Some sort of error occurred and I had to reupload this chapter :)_

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 **"A broken heart, my God, my King,  
Is all the sacrifice I bring;  
The God of grace will ne'er despise  
A broken heart for sacrifice.**

 **My soul lies humbled in the dust,  
And owns thy dreadful sentence just:  
Look down, O Lord, with pitying eye,  
And save the soul condemned to die."**

 _Psalm 51 part 3,_ Isaac Watts

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 **Keep Marching On  
** _ **04**_ _: Hands_

He was in a meeting when he felt the beginnings of the connection, and he knew that if he didn't leave _now_ – actually, he didn't even want to _think_ about the consequences of arguing to an empty chair from everyone's perspective would be. Most already thought he was crazy; he didn't want to add more fuel to that rumor.

Kylo shot up from his seat and stormed out of the room, ignoring the strange looks he received from the people he left behind and those he passed in the hall. At least everyone was smart enough not to disturb him – for that, he felt thankful for.

He managed to find an empty room before fully connecting with Rey. The moment the door shut, he whirled around and faced her, expecting an angry shout or a glare – perhaps her even ignoring him. What he didn't expect was for Rey to be asleep faced towards him. Kylo saw only her and the bed she slept on in the room he stood in, the rest of her surroundings hidden to him. Seeing her sleeping face caused his anger to quickly disappear, only to be replaced with something he hated more than anything – regret.

Regret for what he vowed to do to her when fighting Luke and for not being enough in her eyes. There many things Kylo regretted in his life, and not having her by his side was one of them.

Taking a step closer to her, he began studying her face for reasons unknown to him. Rey...she had freckles speckled across her nose from those long, harsh days in the desert planet Jakku, and yet, she still had a hint of a smile on her face despite all the hardships she was forced to face during this short lifetime. It was clear that the light favored her – she was practically shining in it.

Without warning, he saw a flash of her smile in his memory from his vision and felt his hard stone exterior crack at the way his heart longed for it.

...Kylo couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to have her smile at him in real life, even for a second.

He stood above her as she remained oblivious to the bond, deep in sleep. His gloved hand hesitantly moved until it was next to her face, hovering above the side of her cheek – the same cheek he forcibly grabbed a week ago. There was such a stark difference in how it looked, with his black glove only millimeters away from Rey's pale cheek. Without giving it an extra thought, he pulled the glove off, returning his now uncovered hand back to its former position.

...What was he even _doing?_

Kylo, as if he had touched a fire, quickly pulled his hand away, breathing heavily. Turning around, he slid down onto the floor with a loud sigh, his back quietly hitting the front of Rey's bed. He allowed his head to fall forward between his legs as he rested hands on the back of his neck, closing his eyes.

...What the _hell_ was wrong with him?

These past few days, he was barely able to sleep without his nightmares haunting him. It wasn't the dreams of _all_ the death he caused, thought – the death of random civilians, the death of his fellow comrades in that Jedi temple all those years ago, the death of his father – these dreams were nothing new to him. These were one of many he saw on a daily basis. No, it was the dream that contained the one person who was the worst of all of those who haunted him, someone who tortured him even in death – Snoke.

Out of all to haunt him, the ghost of his former teacher was one Kylo did not think would bother him like this. Yes, Snoke had formed him into who he was now, and yes, the man inflicted fear and pain into him when alive, but why did the man's death leave such an impact on his mind to the point where he showed up in his dreams every night?

Raising his tired head, Kylo turned to look at Rey. Her face was void of any harsh lines he was used to seeing whenever she talked to him; instead, she was at peace in her dreams. But...seeing her, he now knew the answer to the question that had been bothering him all these nights.

She was the reason for Snoke appearing in his dreams, Kylo realized. He betrayed _everything_ he had known because...because of a lack of self-control when it came to Rey. Seeing Snoke torturing her _and_ being commanded by him to kill her...compiling these with the fact that Snoke _dared_ to say he was the one who forged their bond – it had broken Kylo in ways only the death of his father had. This, he knew, showed the power Rey had over him just through these meetings alone – and this scared him. But the worst revelation to come out of this bond?

It was the realization that he would do it all over again if it meant she would be safe.

Now sitting on his knees facing Rey, Kylo allowed his hand to hover over her face once more.

He knew her emotions had bled into his during these meetings they had with one another, and with this meeting, he felt her calmness wash over him like a gentle ocean breeze. He appreciated this change of pace for a few seconds as he quietly took in the quietness she brought. However, the peaceful look Rey had was quickly ruined when she frowned in sudden distress as she began shifting in her bed, the blanket that had been covering her falling to the side.

With no hesitation, Kylo gently placed his hand over Rey's cheek without realizing what he had done. The moment his hand touched her, she stopped her shuffling and her frown quickly disappeared, returning back to her small, yet gentle smile. He stilled his body for a few moments, only to move when he sat a little straighter to lean over her to fix the blanket, taking care to cover her again.

Standing up, Kylo didn't know what came over him when he brushed a stray lock of hair out of her face. He did know for a fact, though, that he wasn't expecting the name that left her mouth the moment he fixed her hair.

"...Ben."

Kylo took in a sharp breath. At this exact moment, the connection between them broke, returning him back to the present, barely processing what had just occurred. He was alone in an empty storage room on a large destroyer once more, leaning over absolutely nothing with his hand hovering over empty air. If someone were to walk it on him, it would only confirm the rumors for many of his deranged mind, of how he was an unstable human whose power was driving him insane.

If only they knew how close the rumors came to the truth.

* * *

 **04**

* * *

Hours passed between the encounter between Kylo and Rey, with the later still having no idea what had occurred in her bedroom.

Rey had woken up feeling refreshed more than ever and for some reason, with a smile on her face. She couldn't remember the dream she had but...it was one full of laughter and happiness, of peace and contentment. She had been with someone in her dream but she couldn't recall who it was, much to her frustration.

But the day started and ended like usual – with her fixing the Millenium Falcon while assisting Leia and Chewie as they plotted a new course for the Rebellion.

Around the end of the day, Rey returned to her room, prepared to retrieve one of the tools she had somehow forgotten. After rustling throughout the small enclosure, she decided to take one last look at her bed. It was when she bent down to look underneath it that she saw a black glove, stopping her in her tracks.

"A glove…?" It looked too big to be hers...as fast as she could, Rey pulled it out, forgetting all about the lost tool. Instead, the moment she was able to truly see the glove, something within her knew immediately whose it was, despite all odds saying differently. "...Ben."

With his name, their bond suddenly connected in a speed she never experienced before, as Rey found herself staring at a sleeping Kylo from across the room in a matter of seconds. He was dressed in loose clothing, his blanket piled at his waist. Despite being asleep, his face displayed the raging war of his emotions and control through the various scowls and sighs he made.

She cautiously neared the bed that contained him, unsure of her next actions. Maybe she should just...wake him up? No, she didn't want to deal with his anger when he awoke.

Rey wasn't sure what to think of the sight in front of her. A dark part of her wanted to simply leave the room and pray that it would be enough to sever the connection, but another part of wanted to help him, to ease his suffering in his sleep.

Taking a look at the glove in her hands once more, Rey tilted her head in confusion. Just...how did this glove appear in her room? She was systems _away_ from Kylo, there was just _no_ way –

Unless...unless he showed up in her room, just like she was doing at this exact moment, through this connection.

But she would have woken up – she was always aware of every meeting they had. Her emotions ran wild, which was so unlike her – _it was more like him, she noticed_ – and she could barely contain what she wanted to say or feel, similar to how she felt now.

And even if she didn't wake up, what explained the fact that a damn glove was left behind? Sure, they could touch each other, but she believed that the feeling was more mutually mental than anything. Physically manifested something...that should've been _impossible!_

 _Yet..._ there the glove was, in her hand – it was a damning piece of evidence, that was for sure.

Rey pursed her lips before stealing another look at Kylo's face. His eyes were shut with heavy creases on the side of them, displaying his distress, as his pillow was soaked with his sweat. "I…" she silently said, unsure of what she wanted to say.

Although Rey didn't know, she perfectly mirrored Kylo earlier with her hand hovering over his face – and when she touched him, all of his thoughts and fears transferred through their bond like ice water, causing her to wince. Yet, she suffered these raging emotions that typically caused her to lose control because she saw that it was helping Kylo – the frown he had was slowly disappearing, along with the large wrinkle in his forehead.

Then, in a spur of the moment – because _why_ not; the laws of physics and reality were clearly not being applied here today – she did something so unexpected that it even shocked her.

She kissed Kylo's cheek.

Rey moved her lips away to take one last look at him as the bond between them broke, leaving her alone in the bedroom, hovering over an empty space. She remained frozen for several seconds as she processed what she had done. Straightening her back, she looked down at her hand before muttering a quiet curse at what she saw. "Damn."

She had forgotten to return the glove.

* * *

 **A/N** : _For some reason, I freaking LOVE the way this chapter turned out. It was longer and I felt that it gave way for you to see the internal conflicts going on with each of them a little better. If you're tired of these types of chapters, don't fret! My next chapter, (at least planned, for now) should be slightly more action-pack *wink wink*_

 _You guys are awesome, by the way! It makes me so so SO happy to see all the email notifications for this story, whether it be a new follower or a new review 3 I wasn't expecting this kind of response to this story so...just wow! You are amazing, I hope you guys have a great day!_

 _Thanks for the reviews:_ _ **Allied Hero**_ _,_ _ **Guest (1)**_ _,_ _ **HinaLyka**_ _,_ _ **Guest (2)**_ _,_ _ **cresswellshipper17**_ _,_ _ **duke15atm**_ _,_ _ **MHGenova**_ _,_ _ **Silmaril666**_ _,_ _ **Manwathiel**_ _,_ _ **ilovegodmusic777**_ _,_ _ **LoveFiction2017**_

 _Until next time!~_

 _:)_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Summary**_ _:_ Rey saw the darkness in him, but she also saw the light. She just hoped that when they met again, she would see Ben Solo and not Kylo Ren standing in front of her. Set after The Last Jedi.

* * *

 **Quick A/N** : _I lied, this chapter isn't the action I promised. It was at first but...it just did a complete 180 and became something totally different. Sorry!_

* * *

 **Disclaimer** : _I don't own Star Wars or any characters affiliated with it.  
Cover art by_ _ **elithien**_ _, permission to use art was given._

* * *

 **"Even if you know what's coming, you're never prepared for how it feels."  
** _Natalie Standiford_

* * *

 **Keep Marching On  
** _ **05**_ _: Fall_

Rey knew the Jedi Order and its laws were flawed. Luke told her his opinion on it quite vocally and after reading the ancient texts that mysteriously found itself on the Millenium Falcon, she understood why the late Jedi Master tried to end it with him. But with the First Order large at hand in the universe and Kylo still entrenched in the dark side, she couldn't help but choose the Jedi because it was simply the better of two evils.

That didn't mean she hated the light – no, in fact, she understood the light, related to it much more than the dark side. She saw its power and benefits, saw its lure, and she also saw flaws in the system. But just like Luke had said – there needed to be a balance in the Galaxy, and it was clear that she was the other half of that scale. Light and dark, Jedi and Sith, Kylo and her – a balance required for stability.

It was just that everyone believed her to be fully light, that she could not go over to the "bad." The Resistance all thought she would be their savior, their shining beacon to help guide them in the darkness that was the First Order's reign – they all said she was their last hope against Kylo Ren.

"I'm really not," Rey muttered to herself at this thought, her brows furrowed as she practiced her forms with her staff on a new planet, the first one the Resistance found themselves occupying after days of traveling.

The planet she found herself on was one that was similar to Ahch-To, where an ocean of water surrounded her with the Rebellion hiding out in a series of caves and abandoned buildings all throughout the area. She was overlooking a cliff at the moment, her mind not following her body during training.

Raising the weapon above her head, Rey shook her head at the strange whispers that had been bothering her for the past hour. Her initial thought that it was Kylo, that their bond had awakened once more, but something was off about the whispers. They weren't like the typical feeling she got whenever she met with him and it was persistent, not stopping despite having an hour passed. It was an unfamiliar pressure in her mind as well, a strange force trying to pull her attention away from what she was currently doing.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Rey dropped the weapon to her side, turning her head towards the enclosure that housed the rebels.

" _...Come,_ " the whispers repeated over and over again from the cave. "... _Rey."_ At her name, the voice was loud and near – quickly throwing her head to the side with the expectation of seeing someone next to her, she saw no one, only furthering her confusion.

"Who's there?" she called out.

" _...Follow my voice._ "

As if a switch had been flipped, Rey suddenly found herself enthralled at the voice. Her mind went blank as she began walking in a trance-like manner to the cave, having almost no control over her body.

" _...Closer_."

Carefully stepping over her sleeping comrades, she stopped. In a sudden rush, whatever that came over her left, leaving her to stand unsteadily on her feet in front of her bag.

"... _Open it_."

She raised an eyebrow at the demand. Whether she listened to the voice or not, she already knew what was in the bag; searching through it would reveal nothing new. It contained just her bare necessities, which were her blaster pistol, a journal, her goggles, and –

And Luke's lightsaber.

Something strange came over Rey when this realization hit her. She threw herself into the bag in a frenzy, rushing to open it and retrieve the broken saber. After taking everything out of it, her hand froze above the weapon, it's blue crystal hidden inside the broken metal pulsating with energy. A second later, she carefully picked it up and held the two pieces of the lightsaber in each hand while the voice returned with a new request.

" _...Fix me_."

Rey knew it wasn't her best idea, but she couldn't help but want to touch it and the moment her finger connected with the glowing crystal, the cave all around her bled away as a strange warmth spread throughout her body. She stayed silent, mostly out of shock and fear, until her surroundings stopped moving and revealed two men she did not recognize on an icy tundra, clearly on a different planet. She felt vulnerable in just her clothes in the snowy landscape but...she didn't feel a thing, not even the bite of the cold wind that should've been bothering her. Taking a step forward towards the men, she quickly paused when she sensed great strength from them bothered.

Who were they?

Before she could think further, though, she saw from her peripheral vision a transparent arm. In a panic, Rey quickly looked at it and the rest of herself, only to see that her _entire_ body had become transparent in a ghost-like manner. A scream built up in the back of her throat but it immediately disappeared when the two in front of her began talking, not bothered in the slightest by her sudden appearance. "Anakin, are you sure you'll be okay?" the older man asked, his face slightly hidden by the cloak he wore.

The younger of the two, whose face was slightly hidden by his own cloak, let out an annoyed groan before answering, " _Yes_ , Master, this won't be the first time I'm doing this. I'll just...go in and get the first crystal that calls to me."

It was at this point that Rey noticed that she left no footprint, allowing her to believe that she wasn't _actually_ here and instead, this was a vision like the one she had the first time she touched the lightsaber at Maz Kanata's castle. She opened her hand and took a look at the smooth crystal, its metal holdings mysteriously gone, asking it, "What are you showing me?" It was clear that this was some sort of vision, but of what, she didn't know.

It pulsated blue as a response was heard. " _...The beginning_."

The beginning? Rey frowned but watched as Anakin went into the cave, his Master following close behind. She thought the older man was going to accompany him but she was wrong – he simply lit a fire after Anakin disappeared into the darkness and sat down, closing his eyes. He crossed his legs over each other and began meditating.

Just...who was he? Something about him seemed familiar, but she was sure she had never seen nor heard – wait, _no_ , that's it! The Master's voice, it was the same one she heard in her vision all those months ago!

But that didn't really answer her question –

" _...Answers will be given later. Just watch._ "

Then, as if Rey was watching in fast forward, the day turned into night and back again into day again, the man remaining at the entrance of the snowy cave in some sort of meditative state.

"Master, are you there?"

The Master quickly opened his eyes and stood up – but eerily enough, Rey saw him staring into her eyes with his unnerving similar ones – _which was impossible, this was a memory, she wasn't really there_ – before whirling around. "Anakin!" he called out in a cheery tone.

The young man, whose voice revealed how drained he was but at the same time his happiness, held up a lightsaber. "My new one, I've got it." With a press of a button, the sound of the lightsaber being released echoed throughout the cave he began swinging it around.

"It suits you," the Master said with a proud undertone to his voice.

At this, Anakin snorted. "It looks the same as my first one."

"Well let's just hope that you don't _lose_ this one." Then, with a final look towards where she stood, the vision bled away into a new one. She now found herself standing in a dark cave, only the light of the glowing stones around her illuminating the enclosure.

It was...beautiful, she had never seen anything like this before.

"Okay, you got this."

Whirling around, Rey found herself standing silently behind Anakin – the difference was that this time, he was alone with several strange but familiar metal pieces floating in front of him, his brows furrowed together in concentration as he stared at a crystal being circled by said metal.

"What's this?" she asked her own crystal, her eyes never wavering from the sight in front of her.

A pulse of warmth spread throughout her body once more as it answered. "... _My creation_."

The kyber crystal, like it had stated earlier, wanted Rey to fix it, to make it whole once more. It wanted her to do something that she knew she could do – something that she was good at. Moving around Anakin, she sat in front of him and watched as he began assembling his lightsaber slowly, but carefully. She studied the metal pieces and made sure to keep in memory what part went where – she even began thinking of how she would repair the pieces that were broken in half.

This was where Rey was in her prime – fixing and creating anything that was mechanical. She loved the way she would get lost in the sounds and feelings of metal, of tinkering – it was the closest thing she associated with the word _home_.

Hours must have passed and she didn't even notice – the only reason she had to reorient herself was because Anakin finished building the lightsaber. Seeing the completed creation, she saw that it looked identical to the one she had held until it broke, which made Rey wonder, just how old _was_ the weapon, if it had been Luke's when he was younger?

"... _Old_ ," the crystal responded to Rey's silent question, seemingly knowing what she asked.

She stood up when Anakin did and began studying his face – something about him was just _so_ familiar, she just couldn't put her finger on why.

It was only a second later that she had an answer.

"Anakin Skywalker, you _did_ it," he muttered to himself proudly. And with that, the vision suddenly ended, bringing Rey back to the present.

 _Skywalker?_

"... _Ben Solo's grandfather was the beginning of my story and now, you are the next chapter. Make me proud to call you my wielder, Rey._ "

The crystal pulsated once more after telling her this and while the blue continued to shine, the warmth that it radiated ebbed away until Rey was holding a nothing but a cold, silent, shard.

Digesting the new information she had, Rey turned her head and expected to see people milling around, as hours passed in the vision, but looking around, not even a minute had gone by. People were still sleeping all around her and the sky was still in its early morning stages. Turning her attention back to the crystal, she now knew what needed to be done. She set her mind to this new task, not bothered in the slightest with how long it might take just to actually fix the thing.

Days passed into a week, and during this, Rey found herself nearly ready to chuck the damn thing out into the ocean because of how much it frustrated her. Several pieces were broken beyond repair that with no amount of hammering or tinkering could fix. On the bright side, though, she _was_ able to replace many of the said broken pieces with several abandoned equipment Rey found in the Falcon. It was...surprising, to say the least, finding items that fixed a Jedi weapon in the ship, but she wasn't going to complain.

Two weeks would pass from that fateful day in the cave when Rey found herself standing on the edge of a cliff, a newly repaired lightsaber in her hands. Gripping it tightly with both hands, she shifted her right foot back and brought her left foot forward with a straight back. Then, lining the weapon to the side of her body, she pressed the button that would reveal whether or not her hard work had paid off.

A blue aura surrounded her as the heat from the plasma blade radiated next to her face. Glee quickly flooded her system at this because it meant she had –

"I see you've fixed my grandfather's blade."

Stance forgotten, Rey whirled around and pointed the blade at the sudden newcomer. She didn't know why she was shocked at this point – the bond had uncanny timing whenever it connected them. "... _You_ ," she breathed out. It had been weeks since she saw him, the last being that night when she saw him asleep.

Kylo stood in front of her, the blue lightsaber merely inches away from him. There was a look on his face that made Rey cautious, though, as he had an eerie calm to him that she had yet to ever experience.

It was an eerie calm that did not suit him.

"Ah, yes, _me_." He ran a hand through his hair as he smirked at her. "Your dutiful force bond companion."

Pulling back, she turned the lightsaber off and narrowed her eyes. "Ben, don't be like this." She took a hesitant step forward, her arm outstretched in an attempt to reach him. They were barely a few feet apart, yet it felt like she was standing at the edge of a chasm with him on the other side. "Why won't you have a civil talk with me?"

He laughed at this, bringing her even more on edge. "I'm not the only reason as to why we can't seem to have a normal talk – we're both to blame if you want to point fingers."

Without holding back, Rey grabbed his clothed arm and gripped it as tightly as she could without inflicting any pain. "I'm not the one who's holding back anger and pain. You're blocking me out when I'm probably the only one at the moment who can understand you right now. You need to open up more."

He towered over her as he sneered, "Don't pull that kind of bullshit on me, Rey. You constantly try to get into my head even when we're not connected like this, and it's getting annoying." In a show of power, he grabbed her wrist and bent down to intimidate her. "I'm sorry that my rage is making me such a disappointment to you and your _Jedi_ morals."

Luckily – or unluckily, if one thought differently – for him, Rey wasn't one to back down from a simple glare. She matched his anger with her own as it fueled the words she said. "You're pathetic, you know that? I've given you so many chances to just talk, and while you stand there wallowing in self-pity, not realizing that there are those who want to _save_ you, I'm standing here! _Me_ , Ben – the one person who hasn't given up on you and has _no_ plan to!"

"Shut up," Kylo growled, tightening his hold on her arm. However, Rey wasn't done in her rant and continued forward in her attack.

"You've done things that are unforgivable, but I want to be here for you!" She pleaded, "Just let me in, _please_."

For once, Rey sensed the force telling her to stop talking, but it was too late – the damage had been done. Eyes closed and body tensed, he roared, " _Shut up!_ " Kylo had cracked under the force of her words and when she tried to pull out of his grip, he gladly let her go and shoved her away– just not with his hands.

The force rippled around him and shot out in all directions, pushing everything away from him. For the first time, the effect of the blast affected even where she was – the grass and stone all around her blasted away.

Rey raised her arms to protect herself in case something came hurtling towards her but it did nothing but push her back. In an attempt to stop herself from falling off the cliff, she dug her heels into the ground but it proved pointless because, within seconds, she was losing her balance on the edge.

Kylo opened his eyes just in time to see hers, widened in fear. For a split second, he mistook that look for fear towards him and what he had done, but he quickly saw that he was wrong. With arms outstretched and falling backward, Rey looked at him for help as her mouth opened with a cry.

He didn't think about his actions nor did he care – Kylo's body moved on its own as he shot forward, reaching for her, despite not knowing what her surroundings were. He fell to his chest as he connected his hand with hers, allowing him to see wherever she was – thankfully, just in time as well. He found himself looking down at Rey with one hand braced against an edge and his other holding onto hers. She dangled in the open air, her hand in Kylo's the only thing preventing her fall while jagged stones awaited her at the bottom of the cliff like jaws of death.

The anger and hostility between them were gone as worry for her overpowering any hateful thought in each of their minds. "Hold on Rey, I got you." Kylo tried using the force to help pull her up but it was useless – he couldn't use it here, despite blasting her away with it only a minute prior. "The Force – you need to use it!"

Various emotions played throughout her eyes as she shouted at him, "I-I can't concentrate!" If there was a rope of some kind, she would have been able to easily get back up – all those years climbing forgotten star destroyers made sure of that. But when her lifeline was a _person_ who was wearing _gloves_ , it limited her options.

"Concentrate on me, then," he said through his worry. Gritting his teeth, Kylo quickly let go of the edge and grabbed onto her arm with his other hand. She needed to hurry – he could feel her grip on his slipping. "You need to hurry!"

Rey grabbed onto his arm with her other hand in a way that seemed familiar. "What am I supposed to do with it?! I've never used the Force like that before!"

This was _not_ the time for a lesson in using the Force, but Kylo needed to give her one anyway. "Like a slingshot, imagine yourself getting a boost from beneath you," he tried explaining, his mind more preoccupied with not trying to let her slip. She seemed to get the gist of it and she quickly closed her eyes. Seconds that felt like an eternity passed as she was slowly slipping down his arm. "I don't want to rush you but Rey, you need to hurry!" he warned.

"I...I can't do it! There's too much going on – I can't!"

 _Fuck._ "Rey, you need to hold on –" Then, in slow motion and without any warning, she slipped out of his hands; for a moment, everything was silent. In an intimate moment, his eyes locked onto hers, various emotions bleeding through their bond, but it was intensified by the look Rey was giving him. It was one so full of fear but...trust, that it nearly caused his heart to break once more.

 _How?_ How was she able to look at with such a look? After everything he's ever done – _and said_ – Rey still thought that there was good in him.

And now he failed her – she was going to die.

Kylo reached for her once more and at this exact moment, instead of falling, Rey suddenly shot up, landing halfway onto the ledge. With her right hand she gripped the ground and with her left, she latched onto his arm. Their faces were not even an inch apart and for a split second, they just stared at each other – but Kylo, bringing himself out of the stupor, placed his arms underneath her arms and pulled her up, shielded her in his arms as he fell backward onto the ground.

"...I did it."

They both were breathing heavily and there was a large rock digging into his spine, but she was safe. Rey's arms were wrapped around him with her face hidden in the curve of his neck in an intimate way no other ever had before. She was shaking in his arms and he wasn't sure if she was crying or not – and in the back of his mind, there was that thought of this being a bad idea, but he could hardly care when she was safe. He simply pressed a cheek against her head and held onto her tighter.

"...You did."

At this moment, Kylo never wanted to let go.

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 **A/N** : _Uh, hi? I hope you guys liked this chapter. I know I promised one with action but the chapter wanted differently so this was born. I hope it was good and that I wrote them well. I couldn't post a chapter yesterday like I wanted because I was at Disneyland all day, so I hope that the length of this one makes up for it! Actually, this chapter had a totally different ending to it and Kylo actually never appeared, but while I was writing the original it just didn't seem right. Then boom boom Kylo appeared and Rey nearly dies lmao. Anyways, I promise to make sure the next one is the action-packed one._

 _Thank you all for the wonderful reviews:_

 _ **cresswellshipper17**_ _:_ ( ´艸`) _I'm glad that I was able to pull them off connecting – it was really hard since I've never actually written a story without an OC in it. I was really worried that I wouldn't be able to portray both of the characters properly. I had considered splitting the chapter into two and posting Rey's perspective of Kylo in the other, but I realized that having it in one connected them much better. I'm happy that you saw the way I tied in that one scene in the movie with the chapter too - that scene was actually the inspiration for it._ （*´▽`*)

 _ **Allied Hero**_ _:_ _Thank you so much for your two reviews :3 And that's literally how I felt at the end of TLJ too_ ಥಥ _I was asking Kylo "WHY!" at what he did!_

 _ **Manwathiel**_ _: I'm happy that my chapter was a perfect way to wake up to your morning, that's probably one of the sweetest things anyone ever said to me in a review!_ (￣∇￣) _It was a hard chapter FOR SURE thought and I'm just glad I was able to do it successfully!_

 _ **duke15atm**_ _: You're too nice_ (*´∀｀*) _Thank you so much for another review!_ ＾ω＾ _I hope you enjoyed this one!_

 _Well, this is the end of this A/N so please please review and fav/follow!_

 _Until next time!~_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Summary**_ _:_ Rey saw the darkness in him, but she also saw the light. She just hoped that when they met again, she would see Ben Solo and not Kylo Ren standing in front of her. Set after The Last Jedi.

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 **Disclaimer** : _I don't own Star Wars or any characters affiliated with it.  
Cover art by __**elithien**_ _, permission for use was given by the artist._

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 **"Let darkness unto darkness tell  
Our deep unspoken prayer,  
For, while our souls in darkness dwell,  
We know that Thou art there. "**

 _A Prayer In Time Of War,_ Alfred Noyes

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 **Keep Marching On  
** _ **06**_ _: War_

"Ben, please, don't make me do this," Rey pleaded with him. She held Luke's lightsaber in one hand and Kylo scowled at this sight – it should have in _his_ , it was _his_ birthright – while with her other, she held out to try and stop him in his approach as chaos waged on all around them.

He scoffed at the name she called him. Before, it would pain him to hear it, especially from her lips. Now, though, he felt nothing. That part of him, he killed – the Light in him was no more. _Snoke would have been proud_ , he grimly thought before returning his attention back to Rey. "I'm going to ruin you, just like I promised your weak Master!" he roared out, his grip on his own lightsaber tightening.

Luke...Kylo was glad that his uncle was dead. He had been a nuisance from the get-go.

Rey seemed to sense that there was no hope of trying to talk to him and let out a resigned sigh. She looked up and for the first time tonight, he was able to get a clear look at her. With dark circles and a cut that streamed blood, she looked tired – almost defeated, if one didn't look closely – but he knew she truly wasn't because her eyes were still clear. They were sharp with anger and determination, and if he looked closer, he thought he saw a twinge of regret within them as well. He wasn't quite sure though, he had forcibly blocked their bond – he couldn't sense nor feel her anymore.

"It's just you and me now." Kylo raised his weapon and she did the same to hers. "You're going to die today."

They circled each other for a few seconds before Rey made the first move – with a cry, her lightsaber swung down and met with his as the heat from the collided blades radiated all around them. Then, she swung her feet to try and trip him – but he saw this and jumped back out of her reach.

"I don't want to fight you, _please_." It was pointless, she should be saving her words for her fighting.

Kylo ignored her and shot forward, the red of his saber trailing behind him. He brought it down onto Rey and pushed with all his strength; he was successful as her legs buckled beneath her. However, she retaliated by shoving him away with the Force, returning to stand on her feet while her chest heaving with exertion.

The fight between them continued for what seemed like hours – when she would overpower him, he would find some way to overpower her; it was a deadly dance that proved to them just how equal in strength they were.

But they both were getting tired, and after a cut on Kylo's leg and a cut on Rey's arm, they found themselves in a position that resembled that of their first fight on Starkiller Base. Their arms were interlocked with one another as they both, with all their strength, tried to prevent each of their blades from hitting them. With Rey's lightsaber pointed to the ceiling and his against the ground, it was only a matter of time before one of them slipped and killed the other.

Kylo gritted his teeth as his body ached – he was sore all over and the cut he received from Rey's blade pulsed with pain with wave after wave. He locked eyes with hers and at that moment, he knew what he needed to do to get the winning advantage. He tore down the mental wall he so painstakingly built to prevent their bond from forming and in an instant, all of their emotions connected with one other – _his_ pain, _her_ fear, _their_ sadness – and as a result, Rey faltered. Using this as an opportunity, Kylo used all of his strength and tore her lightsaber from her hand. Then, not truly thinking about he was doing, he stabbed her with the nearest weapon he could summon – a sword.

And just like that, their fight was over.

Kylo let go of her hand and pulled the sword out of her, dropping the weapon with a loud clang. They both stared at it for half a second, and as if a fog had passed, the consequence of his decision came to him in full force. All his anger, his pure, unadulterated _rage_ , were replaced with a feeling of shock and shame.

Rey staggered a few steps back as she pressed a hand against her bleeding wound – she took a second to look at it before turning her head up to meet his. There were tears pooling in her eyes as she let out a sob at the realization that...that she was going to die.

And by the hands of the one she loved.

"B-Ben…" She gasped out in pain and Kylo caught her as her legs crumbled beneath her, his body acting more on instinct than anything.

Staring at her shaking body, he thought to himself in disgust, _what have I done?_ He didn't feel accomplished nor did he feel joy, all he felt was a pain, both in his body and heart. "I…"

Rey began looking around wildly as her breathing became labored. "I can't...c-can't see," she sobbed, her blood now beginning to pool all around them at a terrifying speed. Their clothes were soaking in it and the smell of the blood was nearly overwhelming for them both.

"I'm here, I-I'm right here." Kylo grabbed her outstretched hand and gripped it as hard as he could against his chest. "I n-never meant for this to happen, R-Rey."

Rey began coughing and blood streamed down the side of her mouth. "Then...why did you c-cut me out?" with a soft voice, she asked after her coughing fit. "It w-was so...lonely."

Gulping in shame, Kylo led her hand to his blood-splattered face as he shook his head. "I didn't –"

She lightly traced the scar he had given him so long ago before her head fell against his chest, interrupting him. Her breathing began to slow, something he knew was not a good sign. "I thought...I w-was enough."

Rey truly thought that; she never gave up on him, even after everything he did to the Resistance – to _her_. She believed that Ben Solo was somewhere in him, despite him cutting his bond with her. She had tried everything after that to reconnect it but...whatever he had done, it had prevented her from sensing him and from seeing him. For the longest time, she wondered what he had done, but now she knew.

He had tried to kill Ben by killing the Light.

It made sense when she truly thought about it – she was bound not to Kylo Ren, but to Ben Solo, and if the later was dead, she wouldn't have a connection with him, plain and simple.

"You are, you _are_ enough." He began rocking her as his crying intensified, much to her sadness.

It truly was ironic – for Kylo Ren to die, she needed to. Ben Solo _was_ in him, she saw right now – she just would not live long enough to see him.

"Ben…" He looked down at her and although her eyes were unfocused, they somehow met with his. He was so blurry, she could now only see an outline of him, but...she sensed how sad he was. "...I l-loved you," she couldn't help but whimper. Memories of lonely nights, crying for him, flashed in both of their minds. Memory and memory after that were like a knife in his heart – and there was nothing he could do about it. He could only helplessly hold onto Rey as he was tormented by all her sleepless nights praying to him to reconnect them, to make her whole.

It broke him, it truly did.

In her last moments, Kylo said the words he longed to say to Rey since the day he realized his feelings for her. "...I loved you, too," he cried as he laid his head against hers. Her emotions, in a blaze of glory, flooded his system as her left arm fell onto her chest and the hand in his own went limp. A second later, he felt her breathing come to a stop. Her body stilled and while her eyes were open, they were glazed over.

"No." Kylo quickly lifted his head and placed a hand on her neck to check for her pulse, only to find none. " _No_." He began shaking her, not caring that he was getting more blood on his hands. " _Rey!_ "

Her brown eyes remained open and he began rocking her in his arms as he screamed and screamed and _screamed_ –

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– And suddenly, he shot up from his sweat-soaked bed, breathing heavily, as he felt Rey's blood all over him. Feeling nauseous, he quickly rushed to the bathroom and vomited into the toilet, the feeling of the blood heavy all over his body. After staying at the toilet for a few seconds, he quickly flushed it and began washing his hands – the blood, it needed to come off _now_.

"No, no, _no_ ," Kylo mumbled over and over again, tears streaming down his face. The blood, it wouldn't come off, it would not _come_ _off!_ He nearly scrubbed his hands raw with the steaming water and soap as the dream – _vision –_ flashed in his mind. He saw her eyes, mocking him and when he began to feel nauseous once more, a voice interrupted him.

"Ben, my dear boy." Whirling around, he came face to face with the one man he never expected to see after Crait.

" _...Luke?_ "

The former Jedi Master gave him a grim look. "If you continue down this path, then Rey _will_ die." He pointed to Kylo's hands; they were dripping with water, creating a puddle on the floor – _just like the pool of Rey's blood in his vision –_ and he couldn't help but see exactly that coating his fingers. "And she will die by your hands," he said, telling Kylo the words that he did not want to hear.

"But...my earlier vision –"

"– Has changed. If she had taken your hand in that moment, the vision you saw in the Throne Room was one that had a possibility of happening. However, she _didn't_ take your hand, ultimately changing the course of the future." Luke, who was nearly a foot shorter than him, still managed to feel like the largest man in the room – _it seemed that hasn't changed in his death –_ as his words darkened. "And you will murder the one girl who can save not only you but the entire galaxy." Luke narrowed his eyes as if he had more to say, but he disappeared, leaving Kylo alone in the bathroom once more.

With a shaky step, Kylo backed into the sink as the words Luke said repeated itself over and over again in his mind. "I...I'm going to kill her?" he couldn't help but ask himself.

But what he saw, that was no dream – there was too much detail and he remembered too much. It was much more a memory of something that the fleeting thoughts that dreams were.

Turning back around to the newly replaced mirror, he truly looked at himself – and for the first time in years, he saw not Kylo Ren, but a conflicted Ben Solo staring back at him.

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 **A/N** : _Hey guys! This chapter was a lot shorter than the last one but I hope that's okay :) I suck at action_ real _bad, which sucks for me because a lot of the fanfics I write require it but...oh whale, a girl's gotta do what a girl needs to – and that's to write._

 _A quick note: I'm not going to be posting nearly every day after winter break is over. I'll still write as much as possible, but I'm pretty sure that a daily upload isn't realistic, as much as I want it to be *insert crying emoji face*_

 _Also, how do you guys like Kylo in this story? When I first started this story, I didn't have an end goal. After reading_ **Balance** _by_ **CaptainArwenPond221B** _, I got so motivated to do something similar that Keep Marching On happened, and now, I think I know what I want to do with it. Would you guys be on board with an actual storyline? The chapter layout and all that will still remain the same, but it'll just be more connected with one another. So...what do you think?_

 _One last thing, do you guys find the poems/quotes/songs thing I do at the beginning annoying? Just a quick question!_

 _But enough about that. Please please leave a review and a fav/follow if you haven't already :)_

 _Until next time!~_

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 _Thank you for the reviews! Y'all are amazing reviewers and I want to thank every single one of you guys! I hope I didn't miss anyone, and if I did, just tell me!_

 **HinaLyka** : _Thank you 3 I'm glad that I can do all that and not tire you because honestly, that's probably one of the worst things a writer can do! I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)_

 **SqueakyDolphin6** : _That's a chapter you're going to have to wait to see ;)_

 **Sage McMae** : _Exactly! No matter how many stories I read, either fanfiction or published stories, I feel that when a person is asleep, they're at their most vulnerable. And if someone is with the said asleep person, it brings out their true emotion, hence the vulnerable Kylo and Rey._

 **Gwyn2330** : _Tbh, I'm not sure, but I'll think of something! I hope this chapter didn't disappoint! And I'm not sure when it's the morning for you but...I hope you get this in the morning so you can have it with your cup of joe! (omg, that was cringy but I'm leaving it here anyway.)_

 **metafizyka** : _Thank you!_

 **Yami Naty** : _Thank you so much :) I hope that this chapter had enough action and that you enjoyed it._

 **cresswellshipper17** : _Yup! Honestly, though, I just read stuff that was on the wikia and out of pure coincidence, I saw a clip of a lightsaber being assembled from one of the tv shows and it matched what I said! And maybe I am hinting at something, maybe I'm not. But letting you in on a secret, I'm a die-hard Rey Kenobi believer so I'm thinking about exploring that in this story. Also, thank you so much for your reviews, they make me super happy!_

 **duke15atm** : _I thought that including Anakin might be a little tricky but I'm glad I pulled it off :) And the ending was actually super hard to write, I had to rewrite it a bunch of times!_

 **radagast-brown** : _*screams* Five reviews?! I'm dying – thank you so much! And yeah, how can you not ship reylo? I mean, come on!_

 **Renica Swavely** : _I didn't think that my story was worth being recommended for so when I read this, I died inside, but thank you so much for the review! And Disneyland was great, thanks for asking *blushing emoji*_

 **Stardust585** : _Tbh, I think a lot of people didn't ship them until TLJ, and that the movie really brought out more of the tension that some saw between them :) I'm glad that I can portray the characters realistically in the story too, it's one of my biggest worries!_

 **Guest1** and **Guest2** : _Thanks!_

 **metafizyka** : _Me too! I nearly drown in Reylo feels every day on Tumblr._

 **Madisonmarie** : _Aww, thanks so much – I hope that I don't disappoint._

 **Manwathiel** : _YES, My exact thoughts! Throughout the entire movie, I was like, this is a perfect scene to play a fanfic off of and...well, I went through with that thought! Thank you :)_

 **MaTcHBoOkPoEt** : _AHHH THANK YOU!_

 **Silmarii666** : _Thanks so much!_

 **Limeio27** : _You are too!_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Summary**_ _:_ Rey saw the darkness in him, but she also saw the light. She just hoped that when they met again, she would see Ben Solo and not Kylo Ren standing in front of her. Set after The Last Jedi.

* * *

 **Disclaimer** : _I don't own Star Wars or any characters affiliated with it.  
Cover art by __**elithien**_ _, permission for use was given by the artist._

* * *

 **Trigger Warning A/N**  
For those who are easily triggered by thoughts of suicide and/or self-harm, please stop reading beyond this point. However, if you choose to continue, the topic is not at all graphic in this chapter. My rating for this story will still remain T, as well.

If you're having trouble with ANYTHING, my ask box is **ALWAYS** open if you need someone to talk to.

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 **"From childhood's hour I have not been  
As others were—I have not seen  
As others saw—I could not bring  
My passions from a common spring—  
From the same source I have not taken  
My sorrow—I could not awaken  
My heart to joy at the same tone—  
And all I lov'd—I lov'd alone— "**

 _Alone,_ Edgar Allan Poe

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 **Keep Marching On  
** _ **07**_ _: Penny for Your Thoughts?_

He would have thought that by seeing that vision, it would have made him a changed man.

Instead, Kylo found himself thinking that maybe...maybe if Rey didn't have to deal with him, she wouldn't have to die. He wouldn't have to kill her, like in the vision he saw. No one would miss him – no one truly cared, not anymore.

Sighing, he walked into his room with the intent of just retrieving something – however, a few minutes later, he somehow found himself sitting at his desk in more comfortable gear, staring at the worst injury he had gotten from training. He just...sat there and stared at the deep cut on his hand. Judging by the amount of blood it was spilling and how deep it was, it would require stitches. It throbbed with pain as well but...he didn't care.

Was there a point? He'd get it healed today, just for him to cut himself on something again?

"...You should get that looked at," a voice said from behind him.

Kylo wasn't surprised nor was he annoyed – he just didn't care. "I should."

He felt Rey's presence next to him. "Then why don't you?"

Still, he refused to look at her. He didn't have the right to – not after knowing that her death was going to be by his hands. "I don't know."

Rey placed her hands on his shoulders and forced Kylo to turn to her – and he had no strength in him to refuse, so he simply complied as she moved him. He watched as she took his hand in hers and placed her left over his palm.

"What are –" He quickly looked up and saw her eyes closed in focus. He nearly pulled away – only, he stopped when his hand began to feel warm, particularly near his cut. The throbbing pain in his hand left him, replaced with a sudden itchiness, and he immediately knew why. "...Force healing?" Since when was she able to do this?

After a few minutes of tense silence, Rey finally opened her eyes and took her hand off of his. Left behind was a red scar and when he flexed his hand, there was no pain or discomfort. "I read about it in...in the books from the Jedi Temple," she answered. At this, he felt himself retreat further into himself. "I didn't think I'd be able to do it."

Force Healing was common for the Light, as healing for the Dark came at a horrible cost. Unlike the Jedi, who utilized the healing without great consequence, those of the Dark Side would need to use their anger, their pain, their anguish to heal something as simple as a papercut, and most times in order to achieve the level of pain or anger meant killing innocents. Kylo spent months trying to heal under Snoke, simply because the man wanted him to be able to do it, but the end result of that was a failure – and his former mentor didn't tolerate failure.

"Ben?"

Bringing him out of his thoughts, his head flew up to meet hers before he muttered, "Thank you." Quickly, he closed his palm and placed it on his lap, only to feel a sudden spike of hurt from Rey.

"You've been awfully closed off as of late, did something happen?" Kylo refused to answer but something within him was beginning to break, especially at the softness of her voice. "Something's wrong with you, I can sense that." She grabbed his arm and pulled his sleeves up, revealing a series of burns and uneven cuts lining his arms. "You aren't getting any of your injuries looked at...what happened?" He remained silent and didn't answer – her frustration at his refusal to talk began rolling off of her in waves. "If you haven't forgotten, we're stuck together and I feel _all_ the physical pains you do. Sure, I don't have anything on my arms or legs, but I feel the way the cuts dig into my skin. It _hurts_ , so why are you doing this to yourself? Why aren't you getting them healed?"

All the fight suddenly left him at this. What was the point?

"...What do you mean, _what's the point?_ "

 _Shit_ , he said that out loud.

Kylo remained in his seat but turned his head up, only for his breath to leave him. He felt the emotions between them in the bond, but seeing it on her face and in her eyes…

He was hurting Rey _again_. Just another to add to the long list of things that made him a monster. She wouldn't be feeling this if it weren't for him –

A gasp interrupted his thoughts and when he looked at her, Rey's attention wasn't on his injuries anymore – it was on scars on the inner side of his wrist. She forcefully took his hand and at this, his stomach dropped.

"Nothing, okay? All these injuries are from training." Scowling, he ripped his arm away and pulled his sleeves down, not truly answering her question. All those bruises and unhealed cuts _were_ his faults – he had been training with his lightsaber and knives but...he had been distracted, and the next thing he knew, he had hurt himself.

She placed her hands on her hips. "That...those are not _nothing_."

"If you're talking about the scars, it's fine...it was something that I needed to do –"

" _Needed_ _to_ – to what _?_ To prove yourself to Snoke? Why were you –"

Kylo knew Rey wouldn't stop asking and the worry she released through the bond was beginning to give him a headache – the sheer pressure of her emotions always seemed shocked him. Hiding from her, his head fell forward as he began to remember his teen years. "Snoke...had me focus on my pain and anger after...well, after leaving my uncle. I guess he still saw some light in me, somehow, and so he had me…" He motioned to his wrists. "Do that to "hone" my skills. Focusing on the pain allowed me to feel closer to the Dark side. After a while, I was able to focus without it and stopped."

He heard a sniff and suddenly, Rey was on her knees in front of him, cradling his hands. "That creature...he _hurt_ you, did all of these things to you...you were a _child_ , you shouldn't – how _dare_ he – " Tears spilled down her cheeks and there were so much pain and anger in her eyes – pain and anger that didn't fit her. He didn't know what came over him but he tried wiping away the tears – and to his surprise, she leaned into his hand as she continued looking at him.

"I…It's fine, Rey, I barely think about it anymore."

"That's not the point." Rey gently raised her hand towards him, and as if she was asking for permission to touch him, she waited until he nodded his head. At this, she placed her right hand against his face, her left hand still holding his. "I know...I know we're what people call _complicated_ – we're enemies but we're not, we're friends but we're not. We're...well, _complicated_. I just…" She sniffed as the words she said suddenly came to her mind. "You're not alone. You're _never_ alone. I'm here and...and believe it or not, your mother is too. She _loves_ you, Ben."

Rey stood up and placed both hands on his face. "You don't have to say anything about this. Just...remember that," she said. Then, without any warning, she leaned down and...kissed Kylo – not on his lips, but on his forehead, and somehow it managed to feel like so much more. Afterwards, he saw that her face was red with embarrassment, as the bond was flooded with so much of her thoughts that it was a mess.

Kylo was shocked into silence and after a few awkward seconds passed, she made a move to step away – only, she stopped when he hesitantly placed his hands on her hips. She didn't push him away, so he went a step further – he wrapped his arms around her waist. He placed the side of his face against her stomach and...sat there, in warmth and comfort. She had her hands brushing through his hair a second later as he tightened his arms around her.

"I'm lost, Rey," he muttered, an unfamiliar burning behind his eyes. But immediately after saying these words, he felt a weight leave his shoulder. She paused, but he continued, "I just don't know anymore."

Kylo told her of his vision, of the warning Luke had given him. He told her his initial reaction and how it confused him to the point where he was beginning to spiral into a depressive state. All those thoughts of dying, and not truly caring about taking care of himself, it was a result of a vision that was so realistic, that sometimes he had to make sure she was real and alive.

That he hadn't ruined the one good thing in his life.

"Then leave." His eyes flew to meet with hers while they remained in the same position – his arms wrapped around her while her hands in his hair.

"And what?" he questioned. "Go to the Resistance? _Please_ , Rey, don't be so _naive_ –"

Slight pain suddenly laced his scalp as she suddenly tugged on his hair, interrupting him. "No, you _idiot_ , just...leave. I'm not saying that you should join the Resistance – hell, it's probably the _worst_ thing you could do to yourself." At these words, he raised an eyebrow. "Don't give me that look – just because I want you to open up to me doesn't mean I don't know that people here will quite literally kill you on sight." Kylo couldn't help but snort as Rey began messing with his hair again. "Will you at least think about it?"

He nodded his head. She was right, in a way. Leaving the First Order _was_ a plausible plan. He didn't care much for it like Hux – and it was clear that Kylo wasn't wanted by the looks and whispers he was getting aboard this ship. There was only so much tension it could tolerate before it exploded.

As Kylo continued to enjoy the warmth of another human being, the conversation between them ended. The air around them was calm and there was no awkward silence between them; it was something he didn't realize he missed, and he wanted to take advantage of the time now.

After a while, Rey slightly pulled away. His hands remained on her hips and for the first time, she smiled at him. It was one full of happiness and...and tenderness – just like he had imagined. Looking at her, Kylo's breath left him as his heart began to beat faster.

To most, a romance began with a kiss as their relationship flourished from there. However, for Kylo and Rey, it was different. Neither were very physical in displaying their affections, to begin with, as the two were quite awkward people, not knowing truly how to act around others and not having experience.

So when Rey brought her head down and placed her forehead against his, that was the moment that truly marked the change in their relationship. They were at peace with each other as they allowed the Force that connected them to say what they could not. The two never felt this calm, this open, and this...whole.

With a smile on their faces, both began to feel hope.

Hope for the future.

* * *

 **A/N** : _Hey guys! Sorry for the wa_ _it – I was having trouble with this chapter and I finally finished. So...this was a pretty heavy chapter but different from the last one. I hope it wasn't bad and that I portrayed Kylo okay. This story_ is _angst so I'm praying that this chapter was angsty, although I made sure it ended with a fluffy reylo moment._

 _This chapter is also very...bleh, in my opinion. I didn't think it was that good but idk, this was the best I could do this time :\ I hope the next one will be better!_

 _On to other things...YOU GUYS! ARE! AWEWSOME! I can't believe the response to this story – you guys are freaking amazing! I love every single one of you guys 3_

 _Also, thank you guys so much for the response to my question *blushes* I'll be continuing the beginning of my chapters like I do right now :)_

 _Please review and follow/fav if you haven't already!_

 _Until next time!~_

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 _Because you guys take the time to review, I love to respond to you guys in return! I hope you enjoy this chapter! I (hopefully) responded to most of the reviews I got but if I didn't don't hesitate to tell me :)_

 **reylogarbage** : _First thing first – I LOVE the name you chose! And thank you so much for your response, it makes me blush xD I'm glad that I was able to write the characters realistically because like I've mentioned in other chapters, that's the one thing that worries me the most!_

 **Tabitha** : _I'm glad that I was able to write out the angsty scene well because honestly, it was hard. Canon characters, in my opinion, are so hard to write so thank god I'm doing something right! And thank you so much for your suggestion – I see what you mean and I am trying really hard not to do that anymore! But if you do see any more things I'm doing wrong, please don't hesitate to tell me! 3_

 **Meech Macko** : _Thank you for your review :) I'm sorry that you feel like that about the characters and how I've written them but I am interpreting how Kylo will return in my own way, I guess. I am trying to make them as realistic as possible so I hope you don't give up on the story!_

 **radagast-brown** : _Thank you so much :) And honestly, he really needs to see that the path he's on is super dark and he needs to say sorry to reylo in the next SW movie._

 **Kara-Anne Laurel** : _I'm so glad you liked the story! And yeah, in TFA they were cute but this new movie just shoots them up to adorable and sexy – that fight really killed me! And thank you for answering the question – I'll be keeping them! And don't worry, I won't stop writing!_

 **Teekalin** : _Thank you so much for your review! I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)_

 **safayi** : _Honestly, the entirety of TLJ has me shook xD_

 **Annanarra** : _Omg, you make me blush xD I hope you enjoyed this chapter!_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Summary**_ _:_ Rey saw the darkness in him, but she also saw the light. She just hoped that when they met again, she would see Ben Solo and not Kylo Ren standing in front of her. Set after The Last Jedi.

* * *

 **Disclaimer** : _I don't own Star Wars or any characters affiliated with it.  
Cover art by __**elithien**_ _, permission for use was given by the artist._

* * *

" **To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one's family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one's own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him. "**

Buddha

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 **Keep Marching On  
** _ **08**_ _: One Day_

Yawning, she woke up to someone jumping on her too-large bed. "Mama, wake up! Daddy's coming home today!" a high voice said from her left.

Rey just wanted another hour of sleep; was that so much to ask for?

" _Mom_ ," a voice from her right groaned. There were tiny hands shaking her shoulders while there was another pair pulling at her arms. "Wake up!"

Apparently, that _was_ too much to ask for. "I'm awake," she muttered. Her eyes quickly opened as she forced the sleep away from her body. "I know your dad's coming home today – that's all you talked about since he sent the letter, remember?"

"I can't wait!" The little girl began jumping on the bed with her brother. "Kain, what time do you think he's coming home?"

"I dunno."

Yawning, Rey pulled her son into her arms and hugged him like he was a teddy bear. She felt a pang of annoyance at how fast he was growing and as a result, she snuggled him even more. "He'll be home before lunch." He told her this much through their open bond.

Not wanting to feel left out, Ami, the young girl, wedged herself into her mother's arms alongside her twin brother. "Are you sure?" Kain asked, looking at his mother.

"Am I ever wrong?"

The twins giggled and after Rey placed a messy kiss on her kid's heads, they both said, "Nope!"

Looking at her six year old children, she found herself having to hold back her large smile. In all sense, the two looked completely different – you wouldn't be able to tell they were twins just by appearances.

Ami, who was five minutes older than Kain, had jet black hair that was untamable like her father's with a temper that matched his as well. But there were hints of Rey in the girl – her love of tinkering and climbing things seemed to have passed down to her. Kain resembled Rey with his straight brown hair and calm interior., but the intelligence in his dark brown eyes were those of his father.

The two were a perfect balance in both appearance and personality – rash and stubborn, Ami found herself getting out of trouble by gentle and quiet Kain. However, the two were connected in ways Rey would never understand, no matter how long she meditated and consulted the force."Go get dressed, okay?" Rey, after letting them take another of the pushed her children out the door, only scolding them as the ran down the hall towards their joint room. "What did I say about running in the house?!" she yelled after them.

Then, a second later, "Sorry!"

Scoffing, she walked into the kitchen as she began to hear bickering from the bedroom. She knew that whatever the two were fighting about would somehow find itself resolved in a few minutes, so she didn't bother doing anything about it. She simply opened the small fridge and pulled out the basic ingredients for a small breakfast.

As Rey opened the package of bread, there was a gentle brush against her mind, telling her that her husband would be home soon.

Half an hour passed and as Rey pulled out the toast from the oven, her children's head shot up simultaneously. "I'm home!" a deep voice rang throughout the house, originating from the front of the small house. The steps that followed ended as a man stood by the entrance to the dining room with a medium sized bag in his hand.

The two kids, completely ignoring the meal they had been so excited for, shot past their mother as they jumped onto him. Their father staggered back a few steps from the impact as he caught them both.

"Daddy!"

"Dad!"

His laugh was so loud and filled the house with so much warmth that Rey smiled. Almost as if she was a teen, her heart skipped a beat at the smile that adorned her husband's face as he looked at the children.

"Welcome home, Ben." Rey walked around the counter as her eyes met his – they were full of love and light, there was no darkness in him. He was at peace with himself, with his demons, and he was no longer Kylo Ren. He was Ben Solo: a best friend, a lover, a husband, a father.

She watched as he greeted his children. "I missed you two so much," Ben muttered, placing a kiss on their foreheads. Ami and Kain glowed with joy at the fact that their father, who had been gone for the past month, was home.

Smiling, Rey reached him the moment he placed Ami and Ken back on the ground. "I missed you too, Rey." She threw her arms around his neck and pulled him into a kiss – but they began laughing as there were sounds of disgust from behind them. The kids, a second later, rammed into their parents legs as Ami hugged Ben's legs while Kain was holding Rey's. "Mama just finished making breakfast and we're hungry – c'mon!" Ami urged, tugging on her father's shirt. "It's gonna get cold!"

"Go on ahead." Gently placing his unoccupied hand on Ami's head, he said to the twins, "Why don't you two set up the table? Your mother and I will be there in a second."

Eager to eat and please their father, the two ran off back towards the kitchen as Ben and Rey were left alone.

"Gods, Ben, I've missed this," Rey muttered as Ben's arms wrapped around her once more.

She felt the vibrations of his laugh as her husband kissed her. "Me too."

Hearing a crash and a, "I didn't do it," Rey groaned as she hit her forehead against his chest. She reluctantly pulled away as she muttered, "Those two are going to be the end of me, I swear."

But before she could rush to see what the kids broke, Ben quickly kissed her once more. "I love you," he whispered against her lips.

The fear that was once in his eyes were gone, replaced with tenderness that she never thought would be there.

"I love you too," she said in return.

She was whole, and as Ami and Ken listened attentively to the story their father weaved about his adventures in the galaxy half an hour later, Rey felt ready to explode: from warmth, from love, and from happiness. The pain that was in her during her younger years on Jakku were gone as the love she had for her children and Ben healed her, healed _him_ , making way for a great life.

When the day ended and the children were put to bed, Rey found herself in the large bed with Ben, her head laying on his shoulder while he traced lazy circles on her naked body. She glowed with contentment and as she fell asleep, Rey knew that this was home.

* * *

– And so, when the dream ended and Rey found herself staring at the dark ceiling, she was not surprised to find herself sad and disappointed – disappointed in the sense that what she saw wasn't quite real and that there was a chance that the twins she saw clinging to Kylo would remain a just a dream, a _what if_. That she would never become a mother and would be alone in the galaxy. The tenderness Ben had looked at her with was nonexistent in the real world as well – the man she saw in her dream was a man that may never exist.

Turning her head, she saw the alarm displaying the time: midnight.

Knowing that she wouldn't be able fall back asleep, she slowly sat up and took in her surroundings. For the first time in her life, Rey found herself in a hotel room that would have costed her _years_ worth of scavenging to pay for. Instead, it was free, as the city they were hiding in was sympathetic to the Resistance cause. Nearly every member of the ever small Resistance had a room to themselves, a room that was luxurious and open, with a service droid in the corner of the room.

Yet, despite how open it was, Rey only found it suffocating. As fast as she could, she kicked off her blankets and rushed to the patio, ignoring the beeping that came from the service droid.

Inhaling the cool night air, Rey's anxiety began to calm itself as her mind began to wander.

She had imagined this moment, being in a large city, since a young child yet, when finally seeing it before her eyes...she was disappointed. It wasn't what she had expected. She found herself missing the silence of the desert and the loud creaks from her makeshift home in the AT-AT, or the uneven humming of the Millenium Falcon. Something about being in a city full of people unnerved her – a girl who grew up alone was not accustomed to the typical sounds of the city.

"I thought you hated Jakku."

Smiling to herself at the voice, Rey slowly turned around and looked at Kylo. "I do, but that doesn't mean I miss the silence," she returned, her mood slightly lifting.

Taking him in, she noticed that for once, she was the one who was underdressed – only in a thin tank top and shorts, she was the complete opposite of Kylo, who was dressed head to toe in his First Order Uniform. Although seeing him in it caused a small part of her pain, she pushed it down as Kylo walked over to her.

He hesitated the closer he got near her but by the time they stood shoulder to shoulder, his reluctance disappeared as he heard – although muffled – the sounds of the loud city she was in.

"I always hated the cities too, if that gives you any comfort. They were too crowded for my taste."

Rey leaned against the rails once more as she rested her cheek against her hand. "Stories always made places like this seem wonderful but I know now that they're just that – stories." She sighed. "I just wasn't made for cities."

There was silence between them and while the air was beginning to feel awkward, Rey found herself stealing slight glances at the man next to her.

She was not quite knowledgeable in what most thought were attractive, but after hearing stories and seeing holos from the other scavengers back on Jakku and the giggles of the Resistance girls when Poe or Finn walked by them, she figured that Kylo wasn't what most thought attractive. Yet, there were things about him that she just found exactly that – attractive. The way he would brush his hair back or the way his brown eyes would slightly light up whenever he saw her…

Rey found herself falling and not even knowing it.

Feeling impulsive, she turned to Kylo and turned him towards her. Then, without warning, she threw her arms around him, ignoring the way he froze. He stood still as a pillar with shock radiating all around him.

"W-What are –" She ignored him as she buried her face into his shoulder even harder as she stood on her toes – times like this, she cursed their height difference. It took a few more seconds until she felt his hands find themselves around her but she found that they fit her perfectly, as if they were meant to hold her like this. "Is...is everything alright, Rey?" he quietly asked.

Rey pulled her head away to look at him and what she saw nearly took her breath away. There was worry in his eyes, but hidden behind that was fear and affection...and it was directed towards her.

Just like in the dream.

...Should she tell him of what she saw? Of the possible future that they could have together?

But the First Order symbol adorning his uniform she saw from the corner of her eye answered her unspoken question. As much as it hurt her, she knew that Kylo wasn't ready. It wasn't the time and instead, it might unstabilize Kylo more by making him feel forced to leave No, Rey didn't want him to feel that. It would be his choice – never her's.

So instead, Rey opted for a small smile before shaking her head.

"Just a dream I can't stop thinking about."

Then, returning her head back to his chest, she tightened her arms around him as she kept her dream locked behind mental barriers that even he wouldn't be able to see.

One day, she would tell him of the little girl who had his hair and his heart. One day, she would tell him of the little boy who had his eyes and his love for knowledge. One day, she would tell him of their possible future together in a small house, full of warmth and of happiness.

 _One day,_ she vowed.

 **A/N** : _Sorry for the superl]_

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 _ate chapter! After getting caught up in life – college application, homework, time for writing – I haven't really been writing as much as I wanted too. But the moment I got free time, I discovered another ship from SW that will probably kill me – Obidala. I don't know what it is about this ship but I fucking LOVE it._

 _Anyways, this chapter's probably riddled with mistakes but for now, here ya go._

 _Thank you all so much for the reviews – I love you guys so much :)_

 _Please review and don't forget to follow/fav. this story!_

 _Until next time!~_

 _IntoTheDeep27_


	9. Chapter 9

_**Summary:**_ Rey saw the darkness in him, but she also saw the light. She just hoped that when they met again, she would see Ben Solo and not Kylo Ren standing in front of her. Set after The Last Jedi.

* * *

 **Disclaimer** : _I don't own Star Wars or any characters affiliated with it._

 _Cover art by_ _ **elithien**_ _, permission for use was given by the artist._

* * *

 **"I can bear any pain as long as it has meaning."**

 _Q184,_ Murakami Haruki

* * *

 **Keep Marching On**

 _ **09**_ _: Coup D'etate_

"Dantooine?"

Leia nodded her head. "There's an old Alliance Base there that's been abandoned for...Gods, _decades_ , but it's a stronghold. It'll hold until we get our bearings."

"That's...a risk, General," Poe muttered what Rey and Chewie had been thinking. "What if there's nothing there now? Nothing that we can use? We don't have the provisions to jump from planet to planet like this – we're running low on fuel as it is." Taking a hesitant look at Leia, the pilot added, "People are refusing to refuel us because they're afraid of the First Order."

The mood in the air heavy, Rey's eyes wandered over to their leader. "I know but it's a risk we're going to have to take," Leia said with a dark look in her eyes. "We're all the Galaxy has now; there's no one else."

With no other plan, Rey and Chewie quickly went to work to set course to their new destination. After a few minutes, Rey felt her fellow pilot place a hand on her shoulder.

She looked up to look at Chewie. "What's wrong?" He asked how she was and there was an understanding in his eyes when she shook her head. "I'm fine," she muttered quietly, only loud enough for the two of them to hear. There was a growl and she saw the disbelief in his eyes. The look he gave her was one that she was getting used to because it was the one he gave whenever he wanted to know about Kylo. She placed a hand on his furry one as they both looked away, both of their thoughts going to the man.

No one gave Chewie enough credit. Most thought that he hated Kylo Ren just as much as the Resistance because of what happened with Han. If only they knew how wrong they were.

The truth was much sadder than it seemed. Everyone overlooked the fact that Chewie had watched Ben Solo – _not Kylo –_ grow up within the ship alongside Han and Leia. He loved him just as much as his parents did and it broke the Wookiee's heart, seeing the boy he helped raised turn to the dark like that. And so when Rey told him about her secret, of her bond…if there was a chance, even the slightest, to bring his boy back to the Light, to _him_ , the Wookie took it. After letting her risk the trip to the Supremacy, she confided nearly every meeting she had with Chewie. He knew it helped sort her thoughts on Kylo as well. Looking down at the girl, he felt hope – hope he thought died when Han did.

Rey would be Kylo's undoing and Ben's salvation.

* * *

Rey had been peacefully sleeping in the cockpit hours later with Chewie piloting the Falcon when she shot awake with a loud gasp. Her hand unconsciously flew to her side as her left body began burning in agony. She fearfully looked at Chewie, who was asking her what had happened, as the Porgs all around her began screaming. Rey was crying in pain and the only thing she could say through the pain was, " _Ben_."

Not knowing what to do, he helped her up from the seat – but when she tried to take a step, Kylo suddenly appeared before her, his panting in tandem with hers. There was an overwhelming scent of burning flesh as he swung to meet something she couldn't see with his lightsaber. She felt the adrenaline pumping throughout his body, alongside the pain that was preventing him from using his full power.

Rey, still feeling Chewie's support next to her, pushed him away and pulled her shirt up to look at the main source of her pain. There was no mark, no redness, and she quickly came to the realization that Kylo had been burned right above his hip judging by the way he was limping. Hovering her hand over the location, a thought came to her.

Could she heal him...through her? Did the Force even _work_ like that?

Hearing Kylo roaring in anger as he fought gave Rey no choice. Without knowing whether or not it would work, she placed her hands on the area and pushed her energy into healing him.

She wasn't quite if anything was happening, but across the galaxy in midst of a battle, Kylo did. He felt the pain that had been preventing him from thinking clearly replacing itself with an unusual itchiness – an itchiness that he felt when Rey had healed him days ago, which meant only one thing.

They were connected at this exact moment. With only a second to spare, he looked around and his eyes fell onto Rey. She was standing away from him with her hands on her hip, her face contorted in pain. Her eyes were closed in concentration with sweat dripped down the side of her face.

However, before Kylo could say something, he heard a voice scream, " _Traitor!_ "

Rey, on the other hand, did not hear this. Instead, she only sensed a sudden flare of annoyance, continuing to further her confusion. She quickly opened her eyes and saw Kylo running in the other direction, his weapon leaving behind a red trail of light. She quickly followed behind as the Falcon's familiar walls melted into the unfamiliar tech of the Star Destroyer Kylo was on. Seeing his surroundings was something that had never happened before – while she may have been able to hear things during their encounters, this was a new development in their bond. Although, her surroundings weren't very clear and she could not see those attacking Kylo, only frustrating her more.

As she took turn after turn, her focus was no longer on healing. This was something she could only do when she kept still and concentrated and after running for what she thought was too long, he slid to a stop in front of a door. With no hesitation, he slammed the button to open the door and rushed into the small room. As his back hit the shelves, rattling the items on it, he turned his lightsaber off as the exhaustion hit him with full force. The moment he was finally able to catch his breath, he whirled towards Rey, who was standing in front of him. "Why now? This is probably the _worst_ time for the bond to connect," he growled through clenched teeth.

She was breathing heavily, her body aching alongside his. She had a hand on her hip once more as it was clear she was trying to heal him. "What's happening? Why are you fighting in your own ship?" she asked, ignoring his question. "Who are you getting attacked by? It's not us – we're as far away from the First Order as we can get."

Kylo brushed off the fact that she just gave him information that would have been detrimental to the Resistance, had he cared. Whether the slip was from his current ordeal or just the fact that she trusted him enough, he wasn't sure of.

Instead, he opened his mouth to answer – however, a sudden wave of agony washed over him, causing him to collapse onto his knees. He was barely able to catch himself from falling onto his face when he saw Rey on her knees, her hands on his shoulder in an attempt to help him. "Ben –"

"A coup d'etat," he managed to say through the pain. "Hux, he's the o-one who engineered it. I've been e-expecting it for weeks."

Curse, he shouldn't be this weak. He needed to stay strong, especially since he needed to find some way off of this damn _ship_.

With a hand against his wound, he was starting to become disorientated – just like that night when he fought FN-2187 on Starkiller Base. Once, he would have used the pain to his advantage to take power from the Dark side, but now...he found himself holding back, not wanting to do that. He didn't want to because the moment he thought about doing it, an image of his mother appeared in his mind. All those chances to kill her, to capture her, to pull the trigger – the memories of his failures to do all of that would remind him of the imbalance within him.

But why now? Why were these thoughts suddenly appearing?

There was no answer though, not anymore. Kylo's mind remained silent, reminding him that he was alone in his head. When the man had been alive, Snoke would reprimand him through various forms of punishments – or conditioning, as he so called it.

Rey brought him back to the present though, as she pulled his hand away to inspect the wound on his side. "If you knew it was going to happen, why didn't you leave before all this shit happened?" Her jaw was taut with anger as she glared at him.

Their eyes met and Kylo sighed at the anger in her. "I...I figured that the coup was going to happen, just not _this_ soon." She sneered at him as she, with no hesitation, placed a hand not so gently against the wound. He groaned in pain but it quickly quieted as her focus on healing him rushed a sense of calm that soothed his tumultuous thoughts, grounding him.

"What are you going to do now, then?" Her voice was softer, gentle. "Obviously, you can't hide in this closet forever."

"I'll figure something out." Although Rey wasn't finished with her healing, Kylo gently pushed her away a few minutes later before standing up. She couldn't hear them but he could, and the sounds of dozens of footsteps and voices could be heard from the hall – his time for hiding was over. Even if he felt ready to collapse, he couldn't let that happen. He needed to push through the exhaustion and pain because...because he didn't want to die. Not here, not by the hands of those Stormtroopers.

"They're near, aren't they?" Rey wrapped her arms around her stomach, looking worried. "Are you sure you don't need me to heal you more? I can still feel your pain –"

Kylo shook his head as he firmly said, "No, it's fine." Taking several deep breaths, he hovered his hand against the button to open the door. He sensed her panic and he wanted to reassure her that he'd be okay – and so, despite the situation he found himself in, he turned to her and smiled. It wasn't one of those large smiles – no, it was a small tilt on one side of his mouth. It was enough, though. He sensed her slight surprise and relief, which surprisingly gave him strength. Then, without another word, he pushed the button and left the room – and this time, he stayed alone as Rey remained in the storage room.

When the door closed and severed their connection, it returned her back to the Falcon with Chewie next to her. Yet, Rey couldn't help but stare at the familiar doorway of the Falcon's cockpit as Kylo's smile the only thing on her mind.

"...May the force be with you, Ben," she whispered before her eyes rolled back, collapsing.

When she came to, Rey found herself laying on the seats in the communal space with Leia, Poe, and Finn standing around her as Chewie looked at her with guilt.

"Are you okay?" Her best friend asked in concern, offering her a hand to help her up.

She numbly nodded her head and took it, allowing the former stormtrooper to pull her up. Before she could say anything though, Poe pushed him away and grabbed her shoulder. "Why were you saying Kylo Ren's name?" he demanded harshly, causing Rey to flinch. "Are you a traitor? Out of _all_ people –"

Leia placed a hand on him and nudged him to the side, bringing the attention to her. "Poe, before we rush into accusations, let's hear what she has to say." Ignoring the pilot's sounds of frustration, she turned to Rey and asked, "Have you been in contact with Kylo Ren these past few months?"

"I…" Rey wanted to defend her actions – to defend Leia's son, but the defeat in her dissipated. She was exhausted and her entire body ached from her earlier ordeal. "Yes, I have been."

"And you didn't tell us?" Poe demanded from next to their leader. "How can we be sure now that our next destination isn't compromised? Kriff, Rey, are you even _with_ us?"

At this, she shot up from her seat and squared her shoulders as she began defending herself. "Of course I am! I'd _never_ betray the Resistance –"

Once again, Leia was the calm in the storm as she held a hand up to stop the two. "How long has this been going?"

Gulping, Rey turned and looked at Leia. Then, with a quiet voice, she said, "Since Ahch-To."

Poe immediately began cursing as her friend remained uncharacteristically quiet. Leia only nodded her head at this new information as Poe began yelling at her once again. "That's why you went on the freaking ship! It makes so much sense – you left to be with him. All that bullshit about him becoming good was a lie, wasn't it? You fucking _liar_ – I lost my _family_ that day –"

Seemingly heard enough, Leia turned to the pilot and pointed to the hall. "Poe, that's enough. Go cool off before you say something you regret."

"General!"

"I said, _go_."

Poe looked as if he was going to protest, but decided against it as he shoved Finn out of the way.

The communal space went silent as Rey only felt worse and worse by the second. "Finn, _please_ , I never betrayed the Resistance," she begged.

"I just…" Her friend looked at Leia before he said what was on his mind. "I don't understand – why are you protecting the monster? I saw what he did when I worked under him – he was _cruel_." Rey's shoulders fell as she sensed the disappointment from Finn. She wanted to tell him that Kylo was changing, that he wasn't the same person that Finn worked under, but how could he understand? He didn't see the change happening – he could only take her word for it and at the moment, she knew that her word meant nothing.

"I know, believe me, _I know_." She saw the memories, she saw the dreams that haunted Kylo. It was brutal and sometimes, she wondered that herself. She didn't hate the bond that connected them, though – not like before. Now, she was glad that the Force had connected her with Kylo. It showed that he wasn't the monster that they all believed him to be. There was still light in him – hell, she _saw_ it in him during the many times they visited each other. The Force created the bond and it was for a reason – there was a purpose behind it, and she couldn't help but think that the Force wanted her to save him before he drowned in his own darkness. "I can't explain it but he's not the same Kylo Ren you saw – he's _conflicted_. There's a chance that Ben Solo could come back." In support, Chewie quietly roared the same thing, even though there were only two people in the room who understood him, and one was being accused of treason.

Leia, seeing the look on Rey's face and understanding what Chewie had said, came to a decision. It was one that was difficult but...it was the right one. "Give me a minute with Rey, Finn."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

After taking one last look at Rey, Finn trudged off as Chewie respectfully left as well, leaving her alone with the General. The room was silent as the older woman took a seat next to her."Leia...I'm sorry – I hope you believe me." Her head falling forward, she added, "I should have told you about the bond...but I was scared." After seeing Luke's reaction to that night, she didn't want to tell _anybody_.

That was why Rey had been expecting some sort of scolding but instead, Leia said, "Tell me everything."

With a heavy heart, she found herself telling the older woman _everything_ – from the first day she met Kylo on Takodana to the private moments between them. As she finished, instead of feeling dread, she found herself lighter, more relieved – it was as if the secret she had been carrying had been weighing her down. However, this relief disappeared as the silence began building once more.

"Is everything you said true?" Leia asked with unfocused eyes and an eerie calm a few seconds later. "Even the coup?"

"Yes. I don't sense any change so I'm hoping he made it off of the ship okay." Leia's eyes turned clear as Rey continued, "I said it earlier but the conflict in him is great, and when I met him on the Supremacy, Snoke only confirmed it."

To her surprise, the General's smiled. "I sensed it in him as well." Leia placed a hand onto hers and told her what happened during the attack that nearly destroyed the Resistance – and after she was done recounting the events, she asked the question that she wanted someone to confirm for her. "Is...is my son in there? Is my Ben still alive?"

At the question, Rey found herself smiling. "He is. I see Ben in Kylo a little more every time I talk to him."

Leia sensed the genuine affection the girl had for her son – and this alone gave her the answer she needed. "I trust you, Rey. I know everyone else won't believe you, but I do. There's been a shift in the Force – even I can sense that and if, somehow, my boy can come back to me...I'm trusting you with this."

However, before Rey could respond, Poe came rushing into the communal space with urgent news. "Leia, you're going to want to hear this."

After giving her a knowing look, the older woman stood up and followed after her pilot, Rey following close behind. They all crowded into the cockpit as they heard on the First Order blasting throughout the entire galaxy that Kylo Ren was now a fugitive, wanted dead or alive – and the credits they were willing to give was a number that most only dreamt about.

As the news began digesting within everyone, Poe left with Finn, still angry with Rey, as Leia sat in the pilot's chair with Chewie adjusting their course. "You were right, Rey." She sounded tired and she looked at the last Jedi with disbelief. "I knew you were telling the truth but to really hear that he's...he's no longer their leader…"

Rey simply nodded her head at this. Despite the situation she was in, she couldn't help but feel _so_ relieved. With a quiet laugh, she looked up. "He made it out, he's _okay_." Sure, he was on the run now, but the immediate danger of his death was now gone.

And that was all that mattered.

* * *

Hours later after the meeting, Rey found herself alone in the cockpit as a porg sat in her lap, her mind wandering to Kylo. She was glad that he was okay, but now she was beginning to worry. All her talk of saving him made her wonder...would she really be able to save him, to bring him back to the light? Hell, did he even _want_ that? And if he didn't...that would mean he would stay in the Dark – and if that happened, how would it end for her, for them? Because realistically, there was a chance that she'd fail – and if she did, the end result would be in a battle that would kill either one of them or both.

"Rey?"

Startling her out of her thoughts, the bond flared as Kylo called out her name. She held the small bird creature in her hand as she quickly maneuvered herself out the seat. Compared to earlier, Kylo looked much better with color on his face and his uniform gone, replaced with an attire that fit him. "Ben!"

Although she called out to him, his attention was on the animal on her hand, much to her amusement. "What... _is_ that thing?"

Rey snorted before gently placing the animal back onto the seat. "It's a porg, but that's not important – are you okay?"

"Yes, my wound has scabbed over thanks to your healing and I've found a place to settle for the night. I'm quite sure I'll be okay."Although Rey felt relief at these words, she still felt uneasy as she leaned against the seat behind her, her earlier thoughts still tormenting her. Kylo watched as she closed her eyes with a sigh, a look of frustration making him feel on edge. "...Rey?"

She needed to tell him. "Don't get me wrong – I'm glad you're okay and safe. I really am."

"...But?"

She opened her eyes and he saw burning emotions hidden behind the brown as she began her assault on him with her words. "You survived today – and I'm happy you did – but when will be the next time you find yourself in the same position? When are you going to be able to wake up and not have to worry about dying?"

Feeling a headache forming from both her emotions and today's ordeal, Kylo pinched the bridge of his nose and muttered, "I see that you've been thinking for the past few hours."

Rey scoffed as she crossed her arms. "Of course I've been thinking! I've been sitting on the edge of my seat for the past day, worrying my ass off about you! Tell me, Ben; when are you going to be able to walk on whatever ship or planet you're on and not have to look over your shoulder for Stormtroopers or First Order vessels? When are you going to be able to talk to someone and not have to worry that they're some sort of assassin sent by the First Order?" Then, as if all the anger and frustration left Rey, she whispered, "When will this all end?"

Kylo froze as the words rang throughout his mind. This meeting took a complete one-eighty – he sensed her torment but he didn't know it was to this extent – hell, he wasn't even expecting them to argue like this. "...When will _what_ end?" he quietly asked.

Rey remained silent for a few seconds before answering. "I don't know." She threw her hands up. "You, me, the Resistance, the First Order, the war – that's what I mean." Squaring her shoulders, she looked up at him. "How does this path end for us?" Immediately, images of his vision all those weeks ago flashed before him as the words Luke said to him began haunting him once more. "Because I can't see an end to this, Ben, and I have the feeling that only one of us will survive – even _if_ you left the First Order."

He knew what she truly meant. Even if he was beginning to lose the darkness within him, that didn't make him free of the Dark side's influence. It would take _years_ for the tendrils that had wrapped around his mind and soul to disappear – and even then, Kylo wasn't a hundred percent sure that he'd _be_ free of the dark. It was too ingrained within him – whether it be because of his genetics or the chaos he created all these years.

Yet, he felt determined, and this allowed him to take a step forward, bringing them closer. "No," was the answer he gave her. Rey flinched from the intensity of the word but to balance the harshness of his tone, he gently placed his hands on the sides of her arms. "I swear, neither of us will be dead at the end of whatever this is."

She returned his gaze and through it, he saw a deep sadness within her that, unsurprisingly, matched his own. Whether it was sadness for their differences or for this current meeting, he couldn't tell. The next words didn't shock him either – because they came from a girl who had been betrayed her entire life. "But that's just a promise, Ben, and those are easily broken. The true challenge is to keep your promise – and tell me, can you?"

His head fell forward as his bangs hid his eyes. His grip on her tightened though, and he felt her place her hands against the outside of his arms. "I can try, Rey." Because that was all he _could_ do.

And that was how their bond ended – both with an unsatisfied feeling within them that would only lead them nowhere.

* * *

 **A/N** : _Hey guys! I'm back with another chapter – hope you guys like it! I had this finished much much earlier but my computer broke – it's stuck in a loop of trying to return to its previous windows version and it won't get past the windows logo so...yeah. I'm typing this A/N on my mom's laptop and I'll probably be typing on this computer whenever I can._

 _This chapter was pretty hard. I wasn't sure if I wrote them properly or not but I'm really excited to write the continuation of this chapter because I have something GREAT planned!_

 _Anyways, please_ _ **review**_ _and_ _ **review**_ _And don't forget to follow/fav. if you haven't already :)_

 _Also, hi to my new followers :) I hope you stay for the ride that is my horrible writing xD_

 _See ya next time!_


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